Relen’s Alchemical Surgical Shop
By Musuko

The town lay nestled in the cleft of a pair of hills, ringed by a stone wall that seemed to have little in the way of uniformity; stretches were brick, some of it was rough grey stone, whilst some parts were nothing more than wood palisades. Within the walls the buildings were a jumbled mess of all different shapes and sizes. The only shared attribute was the general sense that the city’s fortunes had not been great for a long time. Such was often the way for these little wolf city states.
	“Well,” said the ferret, looking down at the dog at his side, “let’s go see if we can get in.”
The gatekeeper leaned his fat arms on his lectern, dipping his quill into a pot of ink and moving it to hover over the page. He didn’t even look up at the visitor.
	“Name?”
	“Lucas Marrion.”
	The nib scratched slowly on the page. Behind Lucas the two guards flanked the archway, their halberds raised, their eyes suspicious.
	“And the dog?”
	“Ruff.”
	“What?”
	“My dog’s name is Ruff.”
	The gatekeeper raised an eyebrow, then lowered his gaze to the page. “Ruff,” he said, laboriously scratching the letters onto the paper. One of the guards chuckled and whispered something to the other.
	“Species?”
	“Who, me or the dog?”
	The gatekeeper glared at him. Despite his corpulence, his eyes carried the same flinty hardness that all his kin shared. The guards too could switch their amused smirks into deadly ferocity in an instant. A wolf of any kind could be dangerous.
	“You,” snapped the gatekeeper.
	“Ferret,” said Lucas. “Ruff’s a malamute, if you care.”
	“Ferret eh?” The gatekeeper stared at him, his hard eyes taking in every detail of Lucas; his chocolate brown fur, his travelling cape, frayed and weathered, his bulky pack, his mud-caked boots. “Anything else?”
	“Just ferret. Purebreed.”
	“Certain?”
	“Yes.”
	“Hmm.” The gatekeeper refreshed the ink on his nib and inscribed the word in his ledger. “Ferret. From Putoria region…”
	“Oh no, I’m not from Putoria.”
	“You’re not?”
	“No.”
	“You’re a purebreed ferret and you’re not from Putoria?”
	“That’s what I said.”
	“Hmm. And where, then, do you come from?”
	“Out there.”
	“And where is ‘out there’? I’m getting angry, ferret. I’m a very busy man.”
	Lucas glanced over his shoulder to the archway, where there were precisely no people waiting to enter the city.
	“Just out there. Nowhere in particular.”
	“I see.” The gatekeeper sneered, writing. “Vagrant.”
	“I would prefer adventurer.”
	“I’m sure you would.” The gatekeeper laid down his quill and sanded the page, blowing off the excess, then hefted the heavy book shut. He spanned his thick arms wide and smiled toothily, his face full of slimy charm without a shred of friendliness. “Welcome to Burden, great city of the plain, gateway to the Black Fields. On behalf of the office of the Regent, I wish you a pleasant stay.”
	And at this point, the gatekeeper extended his paw, palm upwards. It was a gesture that could be understood in any language. Lucas sighed and opened his purse, laying a copper coin in the gatekeeper’s palm.
	“Most kind of you.”
	The paw stayed where it was. Lucas placed another coin in it.
	“Your generosity humbles me, kind sir.”
	Lucas sighed again and upended the purse over the gatekeeper’s palm, tipping out half of its coins. Only then did the fingers close over the coins and withdraw, making the coins disappear somewhere into the folds of the gatekeeper’s clothing.
	“On your way,” said the gatekeeper, pulling out a pipe and tobacco pouch, paying little attention now to Lucas. “And have a fine day.”
	Lucas looked to the nearest guard, who jerked his halberd towards the archway.
	“Come along, Ruff.” The big dog trotted beside Lucas as he entered the city. The archway opened out into a narrow street that snaked between squat brick buildings. They had the look of storehouses. There were few windows, and nobody moved in the streets. He could hear sounds of a market somewhere distant.
	“Stinks, don’t it?” said Lucas.
	Ruff barked, seemingly in agreement.
	“What do you reckon that is? Rotting fish? Nah, not this far from the sea.” He sniffed the air. “Actually, it could be fish. No wonder it stinks. What idiots would bring fish all the way here?” He peered into a doorway and recoiled, clutching his nose. “Ugh. I think we found where they’re keeping the fish.”
	“Hey!” The shout came from above, and it wasn’t friendly. A wolf was leaning out of an upper window. Though he wore the coat of a merchant, his face bore the scars of a thug. “Clear off!”
	Lucas held his paws up. “Sorry! I’m going.” He hurried away from the door and Ruff followed, rumbling with a defensive growl.
	“Friendly place. Let’s see if we can find somewhere to stay, shall we?”
	They walked together towards the heart of the city. The streets never widened, but they did fill up with people. Lucas slung his pack off his shoulder and held it close to his chest.
	“Keep close, Ruff.”
	They skirted around a crowded market and ducked into an alleyway that led out towards the city wall. Out here the shops and inns were shabbier, which meant cheaper. Right up against the wall, next to an old bricked-up gate, was a shambling two-storey inn, with flaking paint and rotting wood, looking as if it would collapse in on itself without the support of the city wall behind it. No name board hung above the door. Instead, there was a rusty metal shield nailed to the wall, and on it, nailed to it, was a shrivelled strip of leather. Lucas paused at the door, staring up at it.
	“Is that…”
	He tilted his head and stood up on tiptoes, trying to see closer. Then it clicked, and he laughed.
	“Well, Ruff, I think this is our place!”
	He pushed through the door, and the welcoming smell of stale beer and dirty straw filled his nose. The quiet noise of a dozen wolves calmly getting drunk greeted his ears. On the floor by the door was a wolf of gargantuan size sleeping off the stupor of the former contents of the stone mugs that surrounded him. Lucas stepped around him and made his way to the bar, where a gloriously rotund landlady, also a wolf, but jet black unlike any of the others Lucas had so far seen, greeted him with a toothy smile.
	“Hello stranger! Welcome to the King’s Dick. What can I get’cha?”
	Lucas’s grin nearly reached his ears. “Why’s it called that?” he asked innocently.
	“You saw it above the door, didn’t’cha? That there’s the old King’s tadger. Lopped it off they did, twenty year ago when the Regent took over.”
	“Not very big, is it?”
	She cackled, then reached across and thumped him on the shoulder. “Not any more it ain’t. So what can I get’cha?”
	“A room, if you have one.”
	She peered over the bar. Ruff looked up at her, tail wagging. “He’s not gonna shit on the floor is he?”
	“No. He’s a good boy.”
	“Alright then!” She jerked a thumb towards a door at the far end of the bar. “Rooms upstairs. Pick any one that ain’t got someone in it. What kind of money you got?”
	He pulled a coin from his purse and laid it on the bar. “Those do?”
	She scooped it up and peered at it. “A Copper Toe eh? Don’t get many of these ‘round here. You from Calonia?”
	“No, I just passed through there. Will you take this money?”
	She made a show of thinking about it. “Sure. Two of those a night oughta do.”
	Lucus counted out coins. “Here’s six for three nights.”
	“Pleasure to have ya, mister…?”
	“Lucas.”
	“Mister Lucas.”
	“No, just...ah, never mind. Come on Ruff.”
	The first room Lucas checked contained a snoring fur of a species that Lucas couldn’t recognise. The second was locked, and a wordless snarl greeted him from within when he rattled the lock. The third stank like a latrine, and the bed matt clearly had been used as one. The fourth, though, was marginally tolerable. Lucas dropped his pack beside the door while Ruff circled the room, sniffing and inspecting.
	“Home for now, eh?”
	Ruff barked. He seemed to approve. Lucas dropped himself onto the bed matt and relaxed on his back.
	“I’m so tired. Ruff, help me with my boots?”
	Ruff wagged his tail and padded over. Gently, he took hold of a lace between his teeth and tugged.
	“Good boy. Easy, careful now.”
	Ruff pulled Lucas’s boots free, exposing his bare feet. The sweat and musk of miles of walking met Ruff’s nose, and he sniffed at his soles, head tilted quizzically.
	“They stink, I know. Thank you for-hey!”
	Lucas flinched as Ruff’s wet tongue lapped at his sole.
	“Well this is new!”
	Lucas flexed and stretched his toes. He propped his head up on a bundle of straw and looked down at his feet, framing Lucas’s muzzle between his spread toes.
	“Feels really nice, Ruff. But that can’t be tasty for you, can it?”
	Ruff barked and wagged his tail.
	“Well, alright then!” Lucas pushed the straw bundle out from under his head and lay flat on the bed. The straw scratched through the threadbare blankets, but it was otherwise comfortable. More so than the rocky plains at least. He closed his eyes. Sleep wouldn’t be far away.
The sound of glass breaking woke him. It was a quiet sound, but it was unexpected, and his sleeping mind picked it out amongst the noises of a sleeping inn on the edge of a slumbering city.
	“Shit,” whispered a voice. Lucas kept his eyes closed. He crept his paw to the dagger on his belt. He closed his fingers around the handle, gripped it tight. He took a deep breath, steeled himself, then launched himself upright, bellowing a shout of challenge. Half way up he wondered why Ruff wasn’t barking.
	The intruder screamed and staggered backwards, tripped over her own feet, and collapsed onto the floor by the door. A metal tray crashed to the floor. Bread and meat scattered, and gravy splashed across half the room. Ruff was with her, tail wagging, but now springing about in excited confusion at all the commotion, then bending to lap at the gravy and gobble up a chunk of meat.
	“Who are you? What are you doing here?” Lucas swung his feet off the sleeping matt and pointed the dagger at the woman...no, not a woman; a girl. She was a young wolf, and she was dressed in a plain servant’s shawl. Lucas looked from her to the spilled food. Nearby there was a glass bottle of spirits, a rare treat for sure. But its neck was shattered and the contents had spilled onto the floor boards. Realisation dawned.
	“Oh I’m so sorry!” He sheathed his dagger and reached to help her up.
	“Mother sent me to bring you supper,” she said. “Since you didn’t come down to eat.”
	“I know, I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”
	“No, but...oh.”
	“What is it?”
	She pulled her paw away from his and looked at her palm. It was spotted with droplets of blue liquid. She shook it frantically, then wiped it on her dress. “Oh no, no no no.”
	“What? What is it?”
	She patted at her pockets, then let out a distressed cry as her paw settled on a wet patch of blue on her hip. She fished a small cork from her pocket, still attached to which was the shattered remnants of a small bottle, mostly held together by the torn label taped around it.
	“A medicine bottle?” asked Lucas.
	“Quickly, is there any on your paw? Did any of it get on you?”
	He checked his fingers. “No, I don’t think so. What is it? Is it dangerous?”
	“N-no, nothing dangerous.” She wiped at her dress again, checking her fingers repeatedly. She glanced towards the door behind her. “But just in case, you might want to get checked?”
	“Checked for what?” Lucas looked at his fingers again, checking more urgently this time for blue spots.
	“Checked for, uh...it’s best if my sister explain.”
	“Your sister?”
	“She made the medicine for me.Her name is Relen. Her shop is just down the street. My name’s Ama. Tell her I sent you and she’ll check you.” She was backing towards the door. “You won’t tell mother I dropped the tray, will you? Please? I’ll get in so much trouble!”
	“I won’t tell her. But hey, aren’t you going to clean this up?”
	But she was gone, scampering away down the hallway. Lucas sat back onto the matt, staring at his paw. He still couldn’t see any blue spots. But what if there were any he couldn’t see? Ruff rested his muzzle on his knee and whined, his tail wagging.
	“It’s okay, boy.” Lucas stroked the top of his head and stared down at the ruined meal, sighing. “Well, I guess the food’s yours. Knock yourself out boy.”
	He lay back down, groaning. The grimy windows were black with night, and downstairs he could hear rowdy drinking and a piano being inexpertly played.
	“We’ll go to that shop in the morning. Just in case. Are you finished already? Alright then, come on up.”
	Lucas shifted over to the wall and patted the sleeping matt. Ruff jumped up, licked his face, then lay down alongside his master, pressing his back against Lucas’s chest. He barked softly as Lucas wrapped an arm around him, then again when Lucas kissed the top of his head.
	“Good boy. But you know something? You’re a terrible guard dog. You let her in without a challenge just because she had food? Or was it because she was pretty?”
Ruff rumbled a happy noise.
“Heh. Thought so. Goodnight.”
The morning came. Lucas knew it was morning, because a cockerel was making a racket somewhere in the farmland over the city wall, and the sun was shining through the dirty window and landing right on his face. He stretched and smacked his lips. His tongue felt dry. He sniffed, and the air stank of doggy breath. He opened his eyes to the back of Ruff’s head.
“Morning,” he said, groggily. Then he tried to sit up. This proved difficult for a number of reasons, all of which boiled down to the simple overarching fact that Ruff appeared to be glued to his front. Naturally, this was a surprise.
“W-what…” he yelped. “Ruff, buddy?”
	Ruff sprang from sleep to wakefulness. His tail thumped eagerly, swatting against Lucas’s inner thighs. He barked, and Lucas felt the dog’s body jolt against his...inside of his. Ruff strained to turn his head to lick at his master’s cheek, and the action rolled them both over onto Lucas’s back. His clothes fell away at his sides, cut cleanly down the front where Ruff now was. He felt his paws frantically across his belly, realised it was Ruff’s belly, and tried to crane his neck past Ruff’s excited, confused wriggling to see what was going on. Where Lucas’s tummy and chest should have been, instead there was Ruff’s. The dog’s hind legs stuck out from Lucas’s inner thighs, and his forelegs stuck out from his chest. Ruff’s neck sprouted from his throat, his head blocking his view.
	And, though he could barely bring himself to look at it, Ruff’s sheathed cock stuck out just above Lucas’s sheathless cock.
	Lucas panted out every expletive he knew, then made up a few new ones just for this situation. Then, in a panic and not knowing what else to do, and with Ruff wriggling about and whining in confusion, he took a deep breath and shouted as loudly as he could for help.
	The landlady appeared at the door, sweating and huffing. She didn’t look like the kind of lady who climbed stairs very often. She stared at the sight in front of her without a hint of surprise. Instead, she looked annoyed. She even rolled her eyes.
	“Alright, you just hold on a moment. I’ll get this sorted in a tick.” She turned her head over her shoulder and bellowed. “Ama!”
	The smaller wolf scrambled to her mother’s side, gasped and clasped her paw over her mouth. Lucas tried to tug a blanket across himself, but Ruff’s frantic kicking knocked it away.
	“Young lady,” said the landlady, “did you do it again?”
	“Huh?” Lucas tried to sit up, but Ruff wouldn’t settle down still enough to let him. “What do you mean ‘again’?”
	The landlady sighed and walked over to the sleeping matt. “Let’s get you down the street and get this sorted. Come on Ama, you daft brat. Help me get them up.”
	“Down the street? You mean like this? I can’t go out like this?”
	“Nonsense. We’ll stick a blanket ‘round you and everyone will just think you’re some misshapen lump who’s spent too much time near the black fields. Now come on girl, get him up!”
	Ama pulled at his arm, her ears red with a blush, her eyes avoiding the naked cocks...yet repeatedly glancing down at them. The landlady cradled her thick arm behind his back. Ruff growled, and his kicking paws scratched at her chest, but she didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. They got him stood up, awkwardly balanced with the weight of Ruff’s body pulling him forward.
	“How did this happen?” he whined.
	“My medicine,” said Ama, biting her lip. She helped her mother pull the blanket over Lucas’s shoulders. “It has side-effects.”
	“Some side-effect!”
	“Come on now,” said the landlady.
	The pair led him downstairs, holding his arms as he stumbled on the steps. Ruff kicked at the blanket swaddled around his legs. He whined constantly.
	“Shh boy. It’s okay.”
	Ruff tilted his head back and nuzzled at Lucas’s cheek. He leaned forward so the dog could lick at his muzzle. That seemed to calm him down. One of the patrons, slumped over a table, looked up to see the two-headed dog-ferret, looked down at his mug, groaned, and passed out. The women hurried him out the door, out into the refreshing chill of the dewy morning. He had no time to linger and enjoy it. The rushed him down the tight street to a ramshackle building at the far end. Above the door was a sign painted in neat letters in four languages, two of which Lucas could read: Relen’s Alchemical Surgical Shop.
	“She’ll be asleep,” said Ama.
	“Well then we’ll wake her up.” The landlady pounded at the door. “Open up missy!”
	A window creaked open above them. “Shop’s closed!”
	“Relen! It damn well isn’t for your mother!”
	A face appeared at the window, wide-eyed. She was definitely Ama’s sister. The two were almost identical. “Mother?! Ama! Hello! What’s going on? Who is that?”
	The landlady grabbed at the blanket and yanked it away, against Lucas’s yelping protest. Ruff yapped and kicked his legs.
	“Oh my,” said Relen, covering her mouth in the same way Ama had done. She looked to Ama. “You didn’t spill your medicine on them...did you?”
	“Yes. I mean, I think so.”
	“Oh dear oh dear! I’ll be right down.”
	The window snapped shut. Lucas shivered in the cold, feeling his nakedness. Ruff didn’t seem to mind. But then, of course, he wouldn’t. The door in front of them thudded as a bolt was pulled, then creaked open.
	Lucas bit his lip. Relen was in her nightshirt, and it wasn’t a very long garment. He glanced, once, then forced his eyes to stay on hers, and suddenly he was glad of the cold and its passion-quenching ability.
	“Come on in. Quickly!”
	The landlady and Ama pushed Lucas inside.
	“Good luck.”
	“Wait, you’re not staying?”
	“We’ve got an inn to run, mister. Don’t worry, we’ll look after your belongings. We’re not thieves, don’t you worry. And we’re pretty good at cracking the heads of those who are.” The landlady smiled, not unsympathetically, and whispered. “And you’re gonna need it...the luck I mean.”
	The door closed, leaving Lucas and Ruff standing amongst the crowded tables and shelves of the cramped shop. Everything was bottles and glassware. Every colour of the rainbow was present. Every smell Lucas could possibly imagine seemed to be in the air, mixed to an overpowering perfume. He thought that Ruff would be suffering with his more sensitive nose, but he seemed to like it; he was wagging his tail and snuffling happily.
	“Can I sit down?”
	“Of course!”
“Thank you.”
“What’s your name?”
	“Lucas.”
	“Weird name.”
Lucas looked around. The choice of places to sit was limited. He moved some empty glass bottles off what seemed to be a stool and perched himself on it. Relen hurried between shelves, grabbing bottles. She swept aside a stack of books to clear some space on a counter, dropped a dish in the space, and started popping corks, pouring the contents of a dozen bottles into it. The colours mixed, and the smells in the room got even stronger. Ruff barked, his tail thumping against Lucas’s thighs.
“So you can fix this, right?”
“Uh…” Relen looked up from the bowl. Her eyes widened slightly, and she started to blush, just like her sister had. “Sure! I think. Maybe.” She looked back at the bowl, starting to mix with a stick, rather frantically.
Lucas frowned and looked down.
“Oh fuck,” he whispered.
	Ruff was more than happy. He was excited. And it showed in the form of five inches of happy dog cock poking out from his sheath. Lucas looked around for something to hide it, found nothing suitable, so grabbed something that wasn’t suitable but would have to do; a book filled with drawings of plants, opened in the middle, and held over his lap. His cheeks burned with a blush that felt as intense as Relen’s looked. And what was worse, he could feel his own cock starting to push up at the pages too.
	“I’m s-so sorry.”
	“It’s okay,” she said quickly, averting her eyes, blushing down towards the bowl as she sprinkled powder into the mix. “But that’s going to be a problem.”
	“What do you mean?”
	She picked up the bowl and walked over. She hesitated, frowning for a moment. “That book costs...nevermind.” She crouched down in front of them and set the bowl on the floor. A pink liquid, opaque, with a glossy iridescent sheen half filled it.
	“What kind of problem.”
	“That, uh…” She gestured quickly at the book. “That problem.”
	He fidgeted. Ruff barked, tail thumping. “If you have any clothes, I could hide it.”
	“No, you misunderstand. Seeing it isn’t the problem. I’ve seen...those...before.” She glanced at the book again and bit her lip in a way that suggested that no, she hadn’t. “But this medicine should fix things and split you apart again. But it will only work if you two are exactly in the same state as you were when you merged.”
	“Which state do you mean?”
	“You weren’t...uh...excited when you merged, right?”
	“What? No, of course not.”
	“But you are now…”
	“I don’t see what...oh, I get it.”
	Lucas lifted up the book and peeked beneath. Two cocks stared back at him, one ferret, one canine, both hard and eager, pressing against each other.
	“I guess we could wait a while?”
	“You could. Except this medicine goes stale and stops working. And the ingredients aren’t common. So…”
	“Right. Right...I get it.” Lucas closed his eyes and shuddered. “Great. I’ve got to paw off myself and my dog, is that what you mean?”
	She nodded, meek and blushing. “Mmmhmm.”
	Lucas took a deep breath. “Okay. Uh. Do you have some other room I can use? Or do you want to go outside for a few minutes?”
	She shook her head, blushing even more.
	“Or, what then?”
	“Well…” She looked up at him, met his eyes, held the stare.
	It took a moment for it to sink in. And when his eyes widened, she smiled shyly.
	“What? Really?”
	“You don’t mind?”
	Lucas swallowed. His mouth felt dry again. Ruff panted, oblivious and happy. “Of course not! And...uh...Ruff too?”
	“Is that the dog’s name?”
	“Yeah.”
	“Sure. Him too.”
	Lucas eased the book out of the way. Ruff’s cock had left a wet spot on the page. “Sorry...I’ll pay for that.”
	“Don’t worry about it.”
	She had shuffled closer, getting between Lucas’s legs. Ruff’s paws waggled in the empty air, and his cock bobbed eagerly, rubbing against the top of Lucas’s. Relen’s slender paw reached for them both, and Lucas held his breath. Ruff barked when her fingers closed around the two shafts. Lucas let out a sigh and closed his eyes, then forced them open; no way was he going to miss watching this.
	She stroked slowly, her eyes fixed on what she was doing, like she was studying some new and fascinating specimen of biology. Her fingers moved uncomfortably, dragging against their skin. She frowned, let go, grabbed for a bottle on a nearby table, then returned her paw newly coated in a dripping, slippery liquid that smelled like mint. It tingled, and Lucas gasped while Ruff made gentle cooing noises.
	“Does that feel good?”
	“Yeah,” he breathed. “Stroke it faster. Oh fuck yeah, like that…”
	Ruff’s hind legs twitched, and he lolled his head back against Lucas’s shoulder. Lucas steadied an arm against the table behind him, jolting it and knocking a few bottles over. His cock tingled all over, warm and lovely and tight under Relen’s fast stroking paw.
	“I’m gonna...I’m gonna…” He gripped the table hard and struggled to stay steady as his legs trembled and his body tensed and Ruff panted and kicked and then howled. He lost his grip against the table and nearly crashed backwards, flailing and sending bottles crashing to the floor. His cock and Ruff’s cock spasmed together, shooting out their cum in two distinct arcs. Relen let go in an instant, but it didn’t matter; their cocks rubbed together, mutually stimulating, and ferret and dog alike rode a wave of blissful pleasure.
	Lucas rolled back into unfogged awareness to see Relen pushing the corks into two small bottles half-filled with gloopy white liquid.
	“Is that…”
	“Yeah, it is.” She pocketed the bottles. “I hope you don’t mind. They’re very hard to get ingredients around here. Ferret and dog I mean.”
	“No, I don’t mind,” he said, dazed. Ruff snored against his shoulder. “Are they going to end up in some face cream or something?”
	“Something like that. Let’s just say you two are going to make some impotent men very happy.”
	“Oh wow, really?”
	She started to giggle. “No, silly. It’s for rash ointments.”
	“Oh.”
	“Now,” she said, lifting up the bowl. “Drink this.”
	“Will this cure us?”
	“It should do. Ama’s medicine did splash on you, right?”
	“Yeah, when she touched my paw.”
	“Then it should cure you. Drink up.”
	He touched his lips to the bowl and took a first taste. “Oh wow. It tastes like...like lemons.”
	“What’s a lemon?”
	“A kind of fruit they grow in the west.”
	“Is it tasty?”
	“Yeah.”
	“That’s nice to know! Maybe I can sell it as a tonic.”
	He slurped the last of the liquid down and then licked at the final drops, just to make sure he got it all. “What happens now?”
	“Now you need to wait for it to take effect.”
	“How long will that take?”
	“A few minutes. Maybe longer.” She glanced at a narrow flight of stairs leading upwards. “You can go rest on my bed if you like. Do you need help getting up?”
	“No, I’ll manage.” Ruff’s head lolled, tongue hanging out, as he slept off his orgasm. “Thank you.”
	She beamed. “You’re welcome.”
	He pulled himself up the stairs with the help of the railings and found, at the top, an attic room crammed with books, with a bed buried somewhere in the middle of it all.
	“Wow,” he whispered, prodding the mattress. “A proper bed.”
	He sat down, hearing the springs creak beneath him. He suddenly felt tired, and lay down on his side. The sheets smelled fragrant, as did everything in the shop. He closed his eyes, just for a minute, starting to feel dizzy…
	...and opened his eyes again with Ruff’s barking in his ear. He groaned, feeling hungover. He checked himself. Ruff was still very much attached to his front. It hadn’t worked.
	“What is it...oh, ugh…” He had tried to sit up and it didn’t agree with him. His gut started to churn. “What is it boy?”
	Ruff whined and scratched his paw at the air.
	“Oh. You need to go outside huh?”
	His gut gurgled.
	“I think I need to too.”
	And now that he said it, he definitely needed to. He stood up, stumbling under his unfamiliar centre of gravity. He hurried for the stairs and nearly tumbled down them. Relen was at the bottom.
	“It didn’t work?” she said. Her paw rose to her mouth. “You look terrible. You’re sweating!”
	“Where’s your outhouse?”
	“I don’t have one. I use the latrine down the street.”
	“I can’t go down the street. People will see me...us!”
	“There’s a yard out the back. There’s a tree in it. Will that do?”
	“It’ll have to.”
	Ruff was whining louder now, and Lucas knew he didn’t have much time. He followed her pointing finger towards a small door. Outside was a tiny courtyard of scrubby grass, enclosed by the shop, the city wall, and a rotting wooden fence. In the centre stood a gnarled, leafless tree. Lucas’s gut growled.
	“Okay, okay,” he breathed. “You can do this...come on then Ruff.”
	He stood in front of the tree and waited. Ruff just continued to whimper.
	“Come on boy, do your business.”
	Still nothing. Ruff pawed at the air, whimpering.
	“Alright, fine!”
	With cheeks alight with shame, he dropped down onto all fours. Ruff’s paws planted themselves on the ground and his whimpering stopped. He cocked his leg towards the tree and the stream of his pee hit the trunk. Lucas clenched his eyes shut, trying to ignore the humiliation of standing on all fours like a dog while Ruff peed.
	His gut cramped. And he knew his day had suddenly got far worse. There was no holding it back. Ruff was still peeing. He tried to spread his legs as wide as he could, trying to keep his feet from the firing line, as his gut gave up its fight and emptied its contents in a foul, noisy spray behind him.
	“Oh fuck,” he groaned, hanging his head and trembling. Ruff started to whine again, his pee trickling off, kicking his legs against the ground to try and escape his master’s stink. The spray went on and on, and Lucas choked back humiliated tears. When it was finally over he had few options; he crawled forwards, dragging Ruff’s paws along the ground, and found a patch of grass to sit his rear down onto to rub his butt to a semblance of cleanliness.
	And then, as a final nail in the coffin of his dignity, he looked up to see Relen watching him through an open window.
	“I guess I won’t be selling that one as a tonic,” she said.
	She opened the door and gestured for him to come inside. He moved to stand up, but she waved him down. “No no, it’s easier if you just crawl.”
	“But…”
	“You’re unsteady walking. This way you can’t fall over and break my products.”
	He whined, but Ruff seemed happy. He trotted along and Lucas did his best to crawl along in time with the dog. Together they moved as strangely as an eight-legged mixed creature would. Relen closed the door behind them.
	“You’ve made a mess of my yard.”
	“Sorry.”
	She leaned over and looked at his rear. He yelped and tried to move away, but she placed a paw on his back to hold him still.
	“No wonder. You’ve only got one hole back here. I think you and Ruff are sharing it.”
	“Why didn’t the medicine work?”
	“I don’t know.” She tapped at her chin, turning to look up at the wall. “Are you sure that the medicine got on you and not Ruff?”
	“I’m pretty sure. I mean, I didn’t see any get on Ruff. It might have, I suppose. Why, does that make a difference?”
	“It makes a huge difference. But don’t worry. I can try something else. Stay right there. I’ll have a new medicine made up for you in a few minutes.”
	Lucas waited while she tinkered with her bottles. She seemed to take longer this time. Ruff moved around more at ease now they were on all fours. He kept tugging against Lucas’s stance, trying to drag him along so he could inspect interesting things around the room.
	“Ruff, sit! Bad dog.”
	Ruff whined each time, and would stop tugging. But a few moments later he would start again. And each time he would take longer to respond to Lucas’s commands. And then he wasn’t listening at all, and Lucas complained uselessly as Ruff dragged him around the room, scraping his knees and paws along the floorboards.
	“Nearly done,” she said, watching Ruff overrule his master. She reached for a bottle of blue liquid, paused, smiled, and picked up an orange one instead.
	“Done,” she said, carrying a small bowl just like the first. This time the liquid was dark blue, almost black. She set it down onto the floor. “Here boy.”
	Ruff scampered over, dragging Lucas along too. Lucas lifted a paw to push Ruff’s face away from the bowl.
	“No, this one’s for Ruff to drink.”
	“Why?”
	“Because that’s the way it works. Probably.”
	Lucas relented, and let his arms go slack so Ruff could take the weight to lean down and lap at the liquid. He seemed to like it. His tail wagged furiously, batting at Lucas’s inner thighs.
	“Whoah. I’m starting to feel dizzy.”
	“That’s okay. That’s normal. I think. Just relax.”
	Lucas groaned, closing his eyes. His head flopped down against the back of Ruff’s neck.
	“Ugh. Headache.”
	“That should pass.”
	Ruff lifted his head from the empty bowl, jostling Lucas’s head aside. He sniffed the air, whined. His tail stopped wagging.
	“Ruff,” said Relen, ever so softly. “Do you understand me?”
	Ruff lifted each front paw in turn, skittishly dancing on the spot. He opened and closed his mouth, flexing his jaw. And then, slowly, haltingly, his mouth struggling around the unfamiliar shapes, he started barking. “This. Is. Weird.”
	“What?” Lucas lolled his head upright. “Did Ruff just speak?”
	“Quiet now,” said Relen. She reached over to stroke the back of Lucas’s head, like he was a pet. “I’ve borrowed some of your intelligence and given it to Ruff. I hope that’s okay.”
	“What? No...no that’s not okay.”
	“Too late now, sorry. Ruff, listen to me. Did any of the blue medicine get on you?”
	“Yes. Bue...boooo...blue. Tasty. Lick up. Yum yum.”
	Relen put her paw over her eyes. “I was afraid of that.”
	Ruff whined. “Bad. Boy?”
	“No, no not at all. Good boy. Very good boy.”
	“Yay. Good boy.”
	“Is that…uh.” Lucas bit his lip, looking confused for a moment. “Why’s it so hard to speak? Oh right. That. Uh...is that bad? Ruff eating the medicine, I mean.”
	“Yes. It’s very bad.” Relen jumped up and started scanning books on a shelf. “Very bad. Bad bad bad.”
	Ruff whined. “Bad?”
	“No, not you. Lucas, can you and Ruff go outside while I read up on what to do?”
	“Sure.” Lucas tried to walk, but Ruff stood rooted, his canine legs strong enough to resist. “Come on Ruff.”
	“No. Ruff stay. With lady.”
	“Ruff!” Lucas nuzzled at the back of Ruff’s head. “Come on, please?”
	Relen looked over her shoulder. “Ruff, go outside, there’s a good dog.”
	“Yes! Okay! Good dog. Yes yes yes good dog.”
	Ruff scampered to the door and pushed it open with his nose, dragging Lucas along as a helpless passenger. They trotted out into the yard, towards the tree, towards the ugly brown puddle at its base.
	“Smells! Smell smell smell!”
	“Ruff, no!”
	“Yes! Smell things!”
	Lucas took a deep breath and held it as Ruff walked them right over to the puddle and lowered his nose to it. He sniffed rapidly, tail wagging. Lucas turned his head away as far as he could and dug his paws into the ground, trying to push away.
	“Mmmph!”
	“Lovely smells! Yes!”
	“Please,” gasped Lucas, spending precious breath. “Please Ruff...stop.”
	“No no, lovely smells!”
	Finally Lucas had to breathe. He gulped down a quick snatch of air, then squealed through his nose. He tried again to pull Ruff away, but the strong dog as intent on keeping their faces close to the puddle. Lucas held his breath until spots formed in front of his eyes.
	“Ah! Please!” He breathed out, then sucked in a chest full of not so fresh air. He groaned unhappily at the sickly stench.
	“Smell smell smell...yay!”
	It seemed to go on forever. Ruff sniffed at every part of the puddle, his tail wagging all the way, while Lucas suffered along as a powerless passenger. Finally, and still ignoring Lucas, Ruff had his fill of the stink and trotted off to the corner of the yard, where the sun slanted down from the nearby rooftops, casting a triangle of warmth. He flopped down into the grass, laying on his back, paying no mind to Lucas, squashing him underneath his body, pinning him uncomfortably between the dog’s weight and the rough ground.
	“Ugh, Ruff, please.” He pressed his paws against the ground, trying to lever them both back up, but the angle was awkward and Ruff was too heavy. Ruff started to growl, and Lucas stopped in shock. “Ruff! Bad boy!”
	“Not! Good boy. Lady said. You bad boy!”
	“Ruff, I’m your master! Do as I say and stand up!”
	“Not master. Bad boy.”
	“Ruff!”
	“Bad boy.”
	Ruff’s hind leg moved too quickly; it shot up and cuffed against the side of Lucas’s head, like a mis-aimed head scratch. Lucas reeled from the impact, his cheek stinging.
	“Ow, Ruff! That hurt!”
	“Bad boy. Get hit. Be good or hit more.”
	“Ruff, you can’t do th-” The paw swiped at his cheek again, blunt claws raking against his fur. Lucas flailed a useless paw and clutched at his face. “Ow! Ruff, come on!”
	“Be good boy.” Ruff relaxed even more on top of Lucas, settling his weight more firmly down. Lucas lay his arms flat on the ground.
	“Alright,” he said, voice trembling. “I’ll be a good boy.”
	The sun blazed with the growing heat of the middle of the day, and Ruff panted, his tongue lolling out of the corner of his mouth. Lucas tried to shift to get more comfortable, but Ruff was a dead weight, fast asleep.
	“I wish she would hurry up with that medicine.”
	Ruff peddled his paws for a moment, perhaps dreaming about chasing a rabbit. His head turned slightly to the side, his tongue flopping. A drop of liquid hit Lucas’s nose. He wiped at it with his paw, only to get hit with another drop.
	“Ugh, Ruff! You’re drooling on me. Wake up!”
	He nudged at Ruff’s side, but the sleeping dog just grumbled and waggled a paw. His head turned even further, and now his long doggy tongue slid directly onto Lucas’s nose, bringing with it the stink of doggy breath.
	“Gah!”
	Lucas pushed at Ruff’s muzzle, but the dog growled in his sleep. He let go, letting the tongue settle back onto his nose. With a whine, he lay his arms back down on the floor.
	“This is a nightmare.”
	A shadow blotted the sun. Relen looked down at him over the rim of another bowl.
	“Is Ruff asleep?”
	“Yeah. Is that…”
	“Medicine, yeah. It should resolve all of this.”
	“Great! Can you help me up? Wake Ruff, maybe?”
	“No need.” She crouched down beside him. “This medicine’s for you. I hope it works. I worked long and hard over it.”
	“Me too.” He grunted as Ruff shifted in his sleep, jabbing his side with a bony doggy elbow. He looked over the rim of the bowl, into the murky green liquid inside. “So, do I drink it?”
	“No. I rub this on the skin. First though, you need to smell this.” She lifted a small glass vial from her dress, popped the cork, and before he could react she had shoved it under his nose, forcing an acrid stink into his nostrils. Above him, Ruff twitched his nose and made an unhappy noise, rolling his head to the other side.
	“Ugh,” said Lucas, yanking his head away. “That stinks.”
	“Sorry. Here…” She prodded his arm. “Can you feel that?”
	“Yeah, why?”
	She jabbed a claw hard against him.
	“Ow! That hurt!”
	“So you felt that too?”
	“Of course I felt it! Why did you do that?”
	“Move your arm for me?”
	“Huh?”
	“Move your arm.”
	He frowned. Then his frown turned to puzzlement, and he looked down at his arm. “I...I can’t! What’s going on?”
	“Excellent. It’s working, then. Can you move your other arm? Your leg?”
	He whimpered and shook his head. “Please tell me what’s going on?”
	“You’ll find out in a minute. Just hold still.” She giggled. “Not that you have a choice!”
	“This isn’t funny! You’re supposed to be fixing me!”
	“I am! I am!” She produced a pair of thick leather gloves and put them on. Then, leaning away from the chemical stink, she dipped her protected fingers into the green liquid. They came away coated in the slime.
	“W-what are you doing with that?”
	“Treating you.”
	She touched her wet fingertips to Lucas’s shoulder and traced down to his armpit. The green slime sizzled, but didn’t burn.
	“Ah! T-that tickles!”
	“Shh. You’ll wake Ruff.”
	“Mmmph! So what? Hahaha! Stop it!”
	She leaned over and did the same to his other shoulder, then to his upper thighs, then the base of his tail. He wriggled, giggling. Ruff’s head lifted, and his eyes started to open, but she held a vial in front of his nose, and he flopped back down asleep.
	“I told you you’d wake him. Now you’re going to have to deal with the side-effects of the sleep medicine.”
	“What side effects?”
	“You’ll see.”
	“I don’t...hey!”
	“Relax.” She was tracing a line of goo around the base of his cock and balls. “It’s just part of the treatment. And I’ve seen it before, haven’t I?”
	She grinned, and he blushed. And then came a strange sound, like a suction cup pulling free from a sheet of glass, and he watched in terrible awe as her gloved paw rose up, carrying with it his detached cock and balls in a neat little blood-free package.
	“W-wha-wha…”
	“Shh now.” She laid it down on the grass beside her, and Lucas shivered.
	“I can still feel it!”
	“Of course you can. That’s how it works.” She gripped his arm, and he felt it, but was helpless to struggle. The same popping sound came, accompanied by a disconcerting feeling in his shoulder. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant. It was like having the points of pins gently stroking along his skin. He watched as she lifted his limp, detached arm away, and saw the smooth fur seamlessly covering its stump.
	“Why are you…t-taking my body parts?!”
	“Don’t worry, they’ll be safe.” She reached over to grip his other arm and effortlessly pulled it free from his shoulder. He whimpered and tried with all his strength to move his fingers, but they were totally unresponsive, even though he could feel everything. “I’m just going to put them away for safekeeping.”
	“B-but why?”
	“You’ll see.”
	“Y-you’re scaring me!”
	“Oh?”
	She giggled, and he whimpered again. She gripped at his thighs and, with the same easy popping sound, amputated his legs away to featureless stumps. He watched his own legs, flopping limp at the knees, getting laid down on the grass.
	“Please stop…”
	“Relax. That’s it for now.” She smiled and patted his tummy. “The rest will kick in later.”
	“Rest? What do you mean rest?! Hey, come ba…”
	He gaped, mouth wide, but silent. His panicked eyes darted about.
	“Oh,” she said, as she scooped up his dismembered limbs like they were firewood, laying his flopping cock on top. “Looks like your voice box has melted away already. That was faster than I expected! I should make some notes. See you later! Oops! I almost forgot!”
	She reached down between his legs and, with a yank, popped his tail free.
	“Ruff would look silly with two tails.” She tilted her head, looking at Lucas, at the only remaining sign of him; a lone head, thrusting out from the back of Ruff’s neck. “Well, sillier anyway.”
	She strolled back into the shop, away from his silent protests, leaving Lucas to lay still, with Ruff sleeping soundly on top of him.
	Hours passed. Or what felt like hours. Lucas watched the sun track across the sky and tried to calculate the passing time. But his attention kept getting wrenched away by his situation. And then, as the sun touched the roof line, he felt something on his detached cock: a cool, sticky wetness. He gaped in a silent cry. His cock was being submerged in something! Some kind of cold, gloopy liquid. In a jar of some kind? He clenched his eyes shut and groaned silently. It tingled! All over his cock, tingling like crazy, making him breathless, making him really wish he had his arms...and his cock, come to think of it!
	Then his arms started to feel the same. Then his legs. They must have been in some giant jar! Or a barrel! He squeezed his eyes closed, trying to ignore the tingling. He gaped wordlessly, silently protesting the surreal feeling.
	Slowly, he became aware of a smell. It was one that he knew all too well. It was the stink of unwashed dog. Ruff would normally end up stinking like that after a week or so out in the wilderness, or if he had rolled in something unpleasant. The solution was to have him go for a swim in a handy lake or river. Neither seemed available now. And for him to stink so much, so suddenly, when he was fresh and lovely only the day before made no sense. Lucas tried to hold his breath, but the musky stench invaded his nose. It was like oil in the air, slimy and pernicious. It brought to mind all those nights out on the plains, cuddled up with Ruff next to a fire, his nose flooded with the dog’s unbearable odour. He could barely stand it then. Now it was a whole new level of intensity, and his vision trembled as his eyes watered.
	“Ugh,” said Relen, now standing over them. “Smells like the side-effect of that sleeping medicine has kicked in.”
	Lucas stared silently, begging with his eyes. He mouthed his pleas for mercy, but she seemed to ignore them. She stroked at Ruff’s cheek.
	“Wake up boy. Come on now.”
	Ruff’s tail began to wag, and he opened his eyes.
	“Food?” he barked.
	Relen chuckled. “Yes, food. Then a bath.”
	He whined. “No bath! No bath!”
	Relen met Lucas’s eyes. A wicked edge appeared in her smile. “Alright, no bath. You can stay a stinky dog then.”
	“Yay! No bath!” He rolled over onto his front and stood up. Relen stroked along his back.
	“You look almost normal. Except for that big ferret head sticking out of the back of your neck.”
	“Food?”
	“Yes. Food in a moment.” She crouched in front of him and met Lucas’s eyes. “I hope you won’t be too upset with me. I’ve not been entirely truthful with you. I mean...at the start, yes. I thought I could separate you two. But I soon found out that it wouldn’t be possible, no matter what I did. So there was only one thing I could do…”
	She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small blue pellet, holding it in her palm in front of Ruff’s nose. He tilted his head.
	“Food?”
	“Yes boy, food.”
	He licked it up and swallowed, tail wagging, and looked up begging for more.
	“If anyone saw you two like you were, they’d think you were a monster from the black fields and would kill you on the spot.”
	Lucas closed his eyes. His head was spinning.
	“A normal-looking dog, though, that would be fine, of course. I couldn’t make you both look fully normal, not exactly. There would always have to be a mix of you both. But with some careful tweaking and trimming, I knew I could hide you properly inside Ruff. There are some...side effects, of course.”
“Food?”
“Yes Ruff, food soon. Side-effects like that. Unavoidable, unfortunately. But not a disaster. If I showed them a talking dog and tell them my medicines did it, well, they’d just about believe that. And I’d be famous. It’ll be good for business. The lady who could make a dog talk! Can you imagine? They won’t need to know, of course, that I didn’t actually do it on purpose.”
She reached out to stroke his cheek.
“I really am sorry. Mostly.”
	Lucas’s brow beaded with sweat, and his lips parted. A gentle sigh passed out. Then, like water flowing together, his lips closed up and his mouth sealed. His ears were shrinking, becoming formless blobs. His eyelids fused and smoothed over. His head bulged for a few moments, then shrank inwards. Soon it was just a bulge on the back of Ruff’s neck, punctured by a pair of nostrils.
	“Interesting,” she said, watching. “Not quite what I expected but...oh.”
	The bulge was moving, sliding down Ruff’s spine, like a ripple or wave under his fur. It raced down to his rear, circled around the base of his tail, then disappeared.
	“That’s not right. Ruff, come here boy. Hold still.”
	She leaned over and looked at his rear. His wagging tail beat against her neck and she had to grab it to hold it steady. There, nestled in the furry crease beneath his tail, just above his anus, were two barely-noticeable nostrils. As she watched, they flared, taking in a breath.
	“Phew. He’s still in there.” She let go of Ruff’s tail and waved her paw in front of her face. “And you stink.”
	“No bath,” whined Ruff.
	“Sure, no bath. Not that I’d waste water on a dog anyway. You’d only go rolling about in the mud right after. Come on. Let’s go get you breakfast.”
	Lucas felt like he was drifting in a void. Blind, deaf and mute, cut off from the world almost completely. What senses he had left gave him nothing useful. They didn’t tell him where he was or what was happening. Instead, all they did was torment him. He could feel his limbs, even though he could not move them. They tingled gently, constantly. It was almost pleasant, but it never stopped. Slowly, it became unbearable. The tingles became itches, then tickles, and he couldn’t escape it even for a second.
	And on his cock the tingling was worse. He knew it was hard. He could feel it throbbing, aching. His mind strained with the need to move his arm and reach down to his cock and stroke it to relief, and it couldn’t fathom why it was so utterly impossible.
	And then there was the final sense he had left; smell. It was the one that above all else he wish he didn’t still have. Every breath sucked in air from right above Ruff’s butt hole. Lucas had no way of knowing that’s where his nostrils were, until the first time Ruff had to use the tree, and the stench of his shit blasted into Lucas’s nose, no matter how long he held his breath. But even during the rest of the day he suffered the powerfully enhanced musk stink of the dog. He thought he would get used to it eventually. But that day never seemed to arrive.
	He could only hope that one day he would be released. Maybe someone would come looking for him, to rescue him. Would they be able to find him if they did? Maybe...he just had to hope.

The landlady placed the heavy iron pot onto the gatekeeper’s lectern.
	“Careful. It’s hot.”
	He raised an eyebrow. “What is it, my lady?”
	“Present for ya. Tasty pie.”
	“Ah. And what do I need to do to earn this?”
	“Oh, nothing much really. Just strike out a record in your ledger is all. Just one line.”
	“I see.” The gatekeeper lifted up the lid of the pot and sniffed at the steam rising from within. “Lamb?”
	“Something like that. Do you like it?”
	He let the lid drop. “You are very generous, my lady.” His paw lay palm up on the lectern. He wiggled his fingers.
	“That I am.” She smiled, placing a pair of copper coins in his palm. He lifted them up, eyebrow raised as he appraised them. “Interesting. The last time I saw these kinds of coins was...tell me, who is it you want striking out of the ledger?”
	“Do you remember a ferret and a dog?”
	“Ah.” The gatekeeper grinned as he pulled open the book. He lifted up his quill, dipped it in the ink, and drew a thick line through an entry on the page. “No, my lady...I can’t say I do. Can’t say I do.”