The Red Guard's New Recruit
By Musuko

See me, the lone adventurer, brave and bold and true! I sneak, I slash, I break in and I plunder. I am a force unstoppable! I am…hungry?
	I stop to sit on a tumbled column and open up my pack. The tasty scent of roasted sagboar reaches my nose and shoos away the musty stink of the dungeon around me. I lick my lips.
	“Yum yum!” I say, and bare my trusty fangs to tear into it.
	Something, somewhere, went scrrrch. I froze with my mouth open and slowly edged my paw towards the hilt of my sword.
	“If there’s anyone snooping around in here, you better scram, or I’ll cut you into bits!”
	Whatever it was, it went scrrrch again. I sighed and tucked my lunch back into my sack and stood up. I lifted my enchanted light-staff high and peered into the circle of pale blue glow it cast down the grimy tunnel.
	“If you’re just a rat, I’m going to be really cross, and I’m going to cook you and eat you.” I crept forward, sword out, staff up. “Kitty’s gonna come eat you!”
	I moved silently, stealthily, an invisible creeper, bringing death and humiliation to all scampering, squeaking things. My body moved like a lithe, graceful thing of beauty. The women in the towns lusted after me. The men in the towns…lusted after me. The handsome, roguish tiger, dirty in just the right ways, hard and lean, elegant, deadly…
	I stubbed my toe on a rock and dropped my light-staff. It rolled away from me while I hopped and cursed. Thankfully, nobody else was down here to see me…maybe.
	“Stupid rock,” I muttered, giving it a kick and biting down a yelp as I re-stubbed my stubbed toe. I stooped to pick up the staff.
	Something glinted in the distant darkness, down the length of the tunnel. I fixed my eyes on it and felt the corners of my mouth rise up. Glinting meant shiny. Shiny meant valuable. Valuable meant lots of drink and prostitutes and maybe a shiny new sword and sexy new adventuring clothes in the latest style. I licked my lips and crept forward…
	The tunnel’s walls fell away and the ceiling disappeared above me. My keen eyes could make out distant pillars, and I could feel the kind of coolness in the air that only came from large underground spaces. Maybe this dungeon was a palace. If so, maybe there was gold? I quickened my pace, moving towards the glint, watching as it took form in front of me.
	It was a suit of plate armour, standing on a plinth, posed with its legs astride and its fists resting on its hips. I lowered my sword and stared at it glumly. There were two things readily apparent about this suit of armour. The first was that it was clearly not made of gold. The second, and this was the important one, was that it was not made of gold!
	I sighed. I sat down on the plinth and opened up my sack. Tearing into the sagboar meat made me feel a little better. As I chewed, I regarded the armour again. It wasn’t so bad, I supposed. It seemed to be pretty well-made, with intricate swirls and patterns and stuff all over it. That must make it worth at least something. And the metal was tinted a rather scary blood-red, and the faceplate was flat and featureless, with only thin slits for the eyes; they looked like the narrow eyes of a monster staring intently at its prey. Someone would pay money to wear this and make themselves look like a dangerous demon. If…I could get it back to the surface.
	That wasn’t going to be easy. If I had an enchanted bag, then sure, no problem. But I didn’t, so it was a problem. A very big problem. A big, heavy, clumsy, clunky, noisy, stupid problem. I had some rope. I could lash it up and drag it out.
	Or…I could leave it where it was and go deeper into the dungeon to find something that wasn’t so stupidly annoying to fetch back. Something small and shiny and disgustingly valuable. Preferably with gems the size of my balls and more gold than the hoard of a dragon who’s got a few social issues. I licked the last of the sagboar grease from my fingers, tossed the bone into the darkness, and stood up.
	Something very close by went scrrrch!
	“Who’s there?!” I squeaked, then coughed and deepened my voice. “Show yourself!”
	I moved in a slow circle, waving my staff to light up any potential foes. My light showed only the empty stone slab floor, stretching away into the darkness. I felt my tail frizz up and the back of my neck tickle unpleasantly. Something was behind me! I turned, slowly, back towards the armour, just in time to hear it go scrrrch, just in time to see its head turn towards me…just in time to see its hand reach out, fingers spread, reaching for me, reaching past my neck and gripping my scruff before I had a chance break my dazed stare and flinch away.
	I shrieked and swung my sword. It cracked against the armour’s elbow with a dull clang and shattered into several useless fragments. With the broken stump of the blade I tried again, stabbing against the armour. The great armoured head tilted with another soft scrrrch noise. I saw a soft orange glow, like the embers of a fire, fill the space behind the eye slits. I dropped my useless sword and tried to claw myself free from its metal fingers.
	“Let me go!” I shouted. “I command you! Uh…in the name of…”
	I wished that I could remember the incantations…damn it.
	The breastplate split horizontally, breaking open along a seam I hadn’t noticed before. Maybe it had never even been there. The two halves swung open and orange light poured out, illuminating the vast hall around me, showing me what lurked beyond the pillars; a thousand identical suits of armour, maybe more, stood in ranks along the walls, all staring at me with their cold, lifeless eyes. I started to whimper like a kitten and scratched frantically at the armour’s gauntlet. My claws didn’t even leave a mark.
	Something…moved, in the glowing cavity in the armour’s chest. Something wet and…undulating. I heard a sound like hunks of raw, wet meat rubbing together. Slowly, the light dimmed. No, wait, it wasn't dimming; it was being blocked out. A mass of writhing worms was boiling up from inside the suit. They gleamed, glossy black, like no worms I had ever seen before. I beat my paws against the armour's fist.
	“Let me go you stupid thing! They're gonna...gonna!”
	I stared, wide-eyed, as the worms...reached out to me! There was no other way to describe it; they were feeling through the air towards me, spreading out, like...tentacles! These were no worms; they were co-ordinated, working together to seek out their prey. I swallowed hard. Their prey was me!
	The first tentacle closed around my left wrist. It squished wetly, like an old soggy blanket. But when I tried to tug away, it gripped hard as if it had suddenly turned to iron. I clawed at it with my right paw; they soft, malleable surface dimpled but didn't break. More tentacles were snaking around my legs and sliding up my thighs. I kicked and struggled, but every time I dodged one tentacle, another was waiting to grab me in the new position. I tore frantically at the mass, my heart racing, my eyes wide and frenzied.
	And then...and then...
	I sighed, sagged, and gave up. It was no good. It had me...whatever it was. I closed my eyes tightly and imagined myself somewhere else; up on the surface, in the sun, surrounded by gold and adoring admirers. I tried not to shiver as the cold, slimy tentacles weaved their way under my leather tunic. I bit my lip as one of them brushed against the underside of my balls and slimed its way around my thigh. I clenched my mouth tightly shut as one of them brushed against my lips.
	And then my feet were off the ground, my weight supported by the tentacles wrapped tight around almost every part of my body. I risked opening my eyes and immediately regretted it; the glowing interior of the armour was coming towards me. Or, rather, I was going towards it. The tentacles were reeling me in.
	“Please...stop.” I barely even breathed the words. One of the tentacles rasped across my lips and touched my tongue. I gagged, recoiling against the slimy sensation...and then tensed in surprise at the taste. It tasted...like...well, nothing I had ever known. It seemed to tingle, as if the tang of the air before a storm had been turned into a taste. It wasn't bad, and it wasn't good. Before my sense could prevail, I had touched my tongue against it again. The tentacle shoved itself between my teeth and plunged deep into my throat.
	“Ungh!”
	My feet were inside the armour now, and no amount of fighting was able to stop my inexorable descent. I wriggled my toes inside the cool, squishy interior. It felt like the time when I got stuck in the bog in the pasture back home when I was a kitten. I curled my toes tightly and shuddered as the cold sensation reached my crotch.
	The tentacle in my throat seemed to push deeper. I felt my cheeks heating up. The tentacle was succeeding where all those lusty men had failed in the past; it had succeeded in fucking my throat. I wanted to whine and protest, but I had no freedom of my body. My arms were inside the armour now, pushing deep down past the elbow joints. This was undignified! This was wrong! An adventurer shouldn't be treated like this!
	I choked out a muffled gasp. Oh no, this was bad! A tentacle had found my tailhole and was pushing its slimy way inside. I'd definitely never let any of the men do this to me! I fought with one last spasm of my strength to fend it off, but it was much too late for that. So, like the helpless kitten I was, I let it violate me. I burned with shame. I cursed into the tentacle. I called it every horrible thing I could think of. And then...then...I started cursing myself; I cursed my stupid overconfidence for getting me into this mess, and I cursed my stupid, traitorous body for...for...
	I closed my eyes and shuddered. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. I cursed my body...because my body was enjoying itself; the tentacle was wriggling inside me, and my evil, mindless, idiot cock was pushing its way up against my tunic and embracing the embrace of the slimy, undulating tentacles. Right away, my situation was worse than it had been; the harder my cock got, the more rubbing it got from the tentacles, which made it harder...all the way until I quivered right on the edge of the most shameful release I had ever imagined could be possible...
	...and there on the edge I stayed. I whimpered into the tentacle gag and forgot where I was for a moment; I begged for a different kind of release.
	Scrrch!
	I opened my eyes just in time to see the writhing tentacles close in over my chest and face, just as the metal plating of the armour's chestplate swung in to seal me inside.
	Click.
	Well, I thought. This definitely ranked high on my list of perilous encounters. I was stuck. I couldn't move any part of my body beyond a useless wriggle. The tentacles more than made up for my immobility, though; they writhed against every inch of my body...and I mean every inch. I moaned like a tavern whore and tried to rock my hips. Just a little, that's all I would need! Just a little friction between my needy cock and the slimy tentacles. Just enough to get me off, and then I could clear my head and concentrate on getting out of here.
	This was maddening! I'd never been unable to stroke myself, or find a willing partner to thrust into. To need to climax so badly, but to find myself unable to? What torture was this? I strained my arms inside the armour, my addled mind refusing to believe that I couldn't just reach down, grip my aching shaft, and stroke myself into happy oblivion. They were only a few feet away! I just needed the armour to bend at the elbows and just...let me cum! I wanted to cry. Some adventurer I was!
	I felt movement; the suit shuddered around me. I opened my eyes, surprised to see a faint light; the armour's eye holes were in front of my eyes, and the tentacles had cleared a space. I saw the room move and felt my body lurch. We, the armour and I, stepped down off the pedestal and walked ponderously towards the side of the room. I saw the other suits of armour standing there...and I saw the gap in the ranks towards which we were heading. My cock pulsed and the two tentacles filling me at either end started to ripple and throb. So close...so close.
	We came to a stop in front of the gap. I had just enough sense left in me to see the glint of something behind the eyeholes of the nearest armour. It wasn't a jewel; it was rounded, glassy...and it moved. I squealed in horror at the realisation; it was an eye! Someone else was trapped in the other suit, just like me. We stared at each-other, and I realised that he must be experiencing the same thing as I was. But...nobody had been in this dungeon for years! Decades even! Maybe centuries, going by how decayed the place was. And I'd had to travel for days to even reach it!
	With growing fear, I looked at the armour to the other side; it too had a pair of wide, panicked eyes staring out from it. So too did the next one, and the next...
	I couldn't see any more, as the armour stepped forward into the gap and turned smartly around, standing to attention like all the others. Gradually, the light began to dim. But, before it went completely, I was just able to see a shimmering glow and crackle of sparks in the space above the empty pedestal where my armour had stood. There was a flash, and a new set of armour just like all the others was now standing there; a trap, I knew now, ready to spring on the next unwary soul to wander in here. Maybe I could warn them; call out somehow. Tell them to run. Tell them to turn back and find help. I thought, perhaps, I could scream out now...maybe my voice would filter all the way up the long and winding passageways to the surface, and some passing woodsman might hear my cry and come down to investigate.
	I summoned all my remaining strength, sucking in air past the tentacle thrusting into my throat, and screamed...
	And my voice went scrrrch!